There is a book out there that I wish I had 20 years ago. It is called 'For Men Only' A straightforward guide to the inner lives of women, by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn. I am quite sure it would have saved me much grief in my marriage.
This book is based on research and surveys of a large random cross section of women and reveals some very crucial information that all men need to know if they are to have a successful relationship with their significant other. It revealed to me in a very credible way, just how wrong my assumptions about women, and more specifically, my wife, have been. Before reading this book, in my 20 years of marriage I thought my wife had problems that I just had to learn to live with. Well it turns out, much to my relief, that there is nothing at all wrong with my wife. What was wrong were the assumptions I made about her condition. In fact, what I've discovered is that the only real condition she has is that she is female.
It turns out that the majority of women have the same needs, desires, and responses to men as she does. This was a comforting thought. My wife is perfectly normal and so now I can deal with her condition as a normal female condition.
Some of the big facts are these:
Fact 1. - Women have very strong needs to feel loved, and to know that their man will continue to love and pursue them as they did in the courting stages, even after the wedding day. This can be accomplished as simply as dropping little emails in the day telling them that you love them.
Fact 2. - Women's brains have a vast array of 'windows' opened all the time, many that need to be closed so that peace can prevail in their inner being. Many of these windows pop open randomly and can only be closed by the sensitive husband, usually by very simple acts on their part. Be responsive to the simple things she asks of you. They mean more to her than might appear on the surface.
Fact 3. - Security for women means something different than what the 'provider' husband may think. Women would prefer to have their husband around more than have all the wealth and leisure that could come from having him work more.
Fact 4. - Women rarely want you to fix their problem, they just want you to compassionately listen to their problems.
Fact 5. - Women want to know that no matter how they look, they are still to their husband, the princess in the twirly dress that they were to their father as a four year old. If she asks you how an outfit or dress looks, what she is really asking is 'do I still rock your world honey?'.
These are highlites of the things I needed to know early in my relationship and I am glad I finally came to know them for two reasons. First, I have some of the the tools I need to make my marriage the best it can possibly be and secondly, it is great to know that I am married to a perfectly normal, mentally healthy and beautiful woman that still rocks my world.
I am ending this post now so that I can get home early for a great long week-end with her. We may even do some dancing.
Bye for now.
Friday 20 May 2011
Wednesday 27 April 2011
The Thrill of Victory
I remember well the opening minute of the program called 'Wide World of Sports" which aired in the 1970's. It showed various random video clips of athletes successes and failures. As the announcer introduced the show, he summarized it all with the phrase - 'The Thrill of Victory, and the Agony of Defeat'. For me, this one statement tells a lot about human nature. No human in their right mind desires defeat. Defeat sickens the stomach of the loser, yet, we constantly put ourselves in the position of potential defeat. Why is this? I think the answer lies in the first half on the above statement - The Thrill of Victory.
I have been a Vancouver Canucks fan since the 1970's which means I have mostly experienced agonizing defeat. Oh yes there has been the occasional thrill of Victory(the 1982 and 1994 cup runs), but not the ultimate thrill of actually winning the Stanley Cup. Why do I, like the many hundreds of thousands of Canucks fans around the province of B.C. put themselves through this agony every year. Perhaps the The Thrill of Victory can help us to answer this.
Last night, as I watched the Canucks life almost slip away, the agony was intense, but then, in the blink of an eye, when Alex Burrows ended the game and series with his amazing overtime goal, the thrill of victory washed over me and all the Canuck faithful. There is nothing like this experience. It made all the agony worth it. In fact, it was the agony that made the thrill so great.
Most things in life are like that. If something is hard, then it is probably worth doing. Living out our catholic faith the way our Lord intended us to live it out is hard. There is much agony and even many defeats, but the Thrill of Victory that awaits us when we meet him, will infinitely surpass anything we can experience here on Earth, even beating the Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Black Hawks in overtime of game seven.
Hey Canuck fans, try and imagine what awaits us. The victory last night gave me a taste but I can't even come close to imagining it. One thing that is for sure, I do know that I want it.
Our Lady of Victory, Pray for us.
I have been a Vancouver Canucks fan since the 1970's which means I have mostly experienced agonizing defeat. Oh yes there has been the occasional thrill of Victory(the 1982 and 1994 cup runs), but not the ultimate thrill of actually winning the Stanley Cup. Why do I, like the many hundreds of thousands of Canucks fans around the province of B.C. put themselves through this agony every year. Perhaps the The Thrill of Victory can help us to answer this.
Last night, as I watched the Canucks life almost slip away, the agony was intense, but then, in the blink of an eye, when Alex Burrows ended the game and series with his amazing overtime goal, the thrill of victory washed over me and all the Canuck faithful. There is nothing like this experience. It made all the agony worth it. In fact, it was the agony that made the thrill so great.
Most things in life are like that. If something is hard, then it is probably worth doing. Living out our catholic faith the way our Lord intended us to live it out is hard. There is much agony and even many defeats, but the Thrill of Victory that awaits us when we meet him, will infinitely surpass anything we can experience here on Earth, even beating the Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Black Hawks in overtime of game seven.
Hey Canuck fans, try and imagine what awaits us. The victory last night gave me a taste but I can't even come close to imagining it. One thing that is for sure, I do know that I want it.
Our Lady of Victory, Pray for us.
Monday 18 April 2011
I am no Pentecostal!
So why Our Lady Of Sorrows? Well let me begin by saying that it is rare for me to have an emotional reaction in Spiritual matters. My brain prefers to be in charge over my heart, and so things have to be logical and clear for me to understand and accept. Faith and reason as some might say. And of course, the Gospel is reasonable so with eyes of faith I can see and believe, no problem.
If you've ever been to a pentecostal type revival meeting or even a charismatic Catholic conference (Pentecostal want-to-be's by all appearances), it does seem like the goal is to get everyone emotional, at which point you have broken down the walls that prevent many from accepting the gospel of Jesus Christ. I myself have been to a couple such rallies, and no matter how hard I tried to get caught up in the turbulence of 'spirit slayings', I just could not get there. For me, it served the opposite purpose, I closed up even more. No way was I letting some 'wacko' preacher move my emotions. The Gospel was logical enough for me without all the emotions, so I thought.
Even as frigid as I am with my responses to the Gospel, you'd think a solid meditation on the Passion of Christ, just seeing the suffering he endured, would move me. Truth be told, even though I believe, my emotions for the most part remain unmoved.
Years ago, early in my reversion/conversion to the Catholic faith, I was introduced to Mary, the virgin Mother of the Saviour. Logic told me that if Holy Mother Church highly recommended her children to have deep devotion to the blessed Mother, I should at least try her out. I took up praying the Rosary and some remarkable things happened to me. I will tell you about a couple of them.
One evening, my wife and I were praying the Glorious mysteries and I dropped into what I might call a deep contemplation, and particularly on the Coronation Of Mary. A vision manifested itself in my mind and I could see Mary, fully robed and jeweled and crowned as glorious as a queen could be, standing next to her son Jesus, who was Christ the King, seated on his throne. Jesus was smiling with the most loving eyes, and Mary was directing me to her Son and calling to me, her words "welcome Albert." She was the most beautiful creature I could have ever imagined. I can still recall the scene to this day. Mary was welcoming me to her Son, wanting to share Him with me. I was moved to tears. Aha, an unsolicited emotional response to the Gospel.
Jump ahead several years, I was at Adoration, praying the stations of the cross and meditating on the different stations of Jesus agony, for the most part unmoved until I got to the thirteenth station where the image depicts Jesus being laid in the arms of his sorrowful mother. I paused at the thought of this saintly mother having undergone the agony of watching the passion of her innocent Son, the God Man, the one who created all things, even me, and I once again was moved to tears. Another unsolicited emotional response. Mary is the handmaid that leads me to Jesus. The Church tells us that this is what Mary does for us. I entered into her sorrow so that I could be in relationship with her Son, my Saviour. And so, in this time of Lent. I dedicate this Blog to Mary, to whom I owe so much of my spiritual growth, my coming into relationship with the one Lord Jesus Christ.
Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us.
If you've ever been to a pentecostal type revival meeting or even a charismatic Catholic conference (Pentecostal want-to-be's by all appearances), it does seem like the goal is to get everyone emotional, at which point you have broken down the walls that prevent many from accepting the gospel of Jesus Christ. I myself have been to a couple such rallies, and no matter how hard I tried to get caught up in the turbulence of 'spirit slayings', I just could not get there. For me, it served the opposite purpose, I closed up even more. No way was I letting some 'wacko' preacher move my emotions. The Gospel was logical enough for me without all the emotions, so I thought.
Even as frigid as I am with my responses to the Gospel, you'd think a solid meditation on the Passion of Christ, just seeing the suffering he endured, would move me. Truth be told, even though I believe, my emotions for the most part remain unmoved.
Years ago, early in my reversion/conversion to the Catholic faith, I was introduced to Mary, the virgin Mother of the Saviour. Logic told me that if Holy Mother Church highly recommended her children to have deep devotion to the blessed Mother, I should at least try her out. I took up praying the Rosary and some remarkable things happened to me. I will tell you about a couple of them.
One evening, my wife and I were praying the Glorious mysteries and I dropped into what I might call a deep contemplation, and particularly on the Coronation Of Mary. A vision manifested itself in my mind and I could see Mary, fully robed and jeweled and crowned as glorious as a queen could be, standing next to her son Jesus, who was Christ the King, seated on his throne. Jesus was smiling with the most loving eyes, and Mary was directing me to her Son and calling to me, her words "welcome Albert." She was the most beautiful creature I could have ever imagined. I can still recall the scene to this day. Mary was welcoming me to her Son, wanting to share Him with me. I was moved to tears. Aha, an unsolicited emotional response to the Gospel.
Jump ahead several years, I was at Adoration, praying the stations of the cross and meditating on the different stations of Jesus agony, for the most part unmoved until I got to the thirteenth station where the image depicts Jesus being laid in the arms of his sorrowful mother. I paused at the thought of this saintly mother having undergone the agony of watching the passion of her innocent Son, the God Man, the one who created all things, even me, and I once again was moved to tears. Another unsolicited emotional response. Mary is the handmaid that leads me to Jesus. The Church tells us that this is what Mary does for us. I entered into her sorrow so that I could be in relationship with her Son, my Saviour. And so, in this time of Lent. I dedicate this Blog to Mary, to whom I owe so much of my spiritual growth, my coming into relationship with the one Lord Jesus Christ.
Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us.
Thursday 14 April 2011
Practicing Mammal put me up to this
My wife loves blogging so much, it troubled her that I was missing out on so much fun, and so she thought I should blog and so she got me going by setting up this Blog page and well, here I am, Blogging, I think.
What would I possibly write about and where would I find the time to do it I asked myself. I am not a process oriented person and so writing does not do for me what it does for her but I must say, I am a results oriented person and so I look forward to the end of this so I can click on the 'PUBLISH POST' icon. That is soooo satisfying. I suspect the 'NEW POST' icon does the same for her.
Hey, this has been kind of fun afterall but I am getting anxious to click that PB button so I will have to cut this short but first:
You will notice the background image I have chosen is "Our Lady Of Sorrows". There is a good reason for this and you will have to wait until my next Post to find out.
Thanks for reading.
What would I possibly write about and where would I find the time to do it I asked myself. I am not a process oriented person and so writing does not do for me what it does for her but I must say, I am a results oriented person and so I look forward to the end of this so I can click on the 'PUBLISH POST' icon. That is soooo satisfying. I suspect the 'NEW POST' icon does the same for her.
Hey, this has been kind of fun afterall but I am getting anxious to click that PB button so I will have to cut this short but first:
You will notice the background image I have chosen is "Our Lady Of Sorrows". There is a good reason for this and you will have to wait until my next Post to find out.
Thanks for reading.
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